A Little Too Late

Dear Mr. Cloud,


I Waited until two o' clock for him to IM me. I am so foolish, right? I told myself, "if he does not IM me at 2:00 A.M. then I'll IM him at 2:01 A.M." Right when it turned 2:01 A.M. I decide to IM him, so I click on his sn. He signed off before I had the chance, like right when I was about to press enter, he signed off. I was so sad and bored at the same time, so I looked up some Dramas to watch. I found this one Drama in Japanese. The first Drama in Japanese have I ever watched. The movie was really cute and terribly sad. I couldn't help myself from crying, I mean I had a huge box of tissues while I was watching the Drama. Ha ha. It was called, "10 Promises To My dog", yeah, the title sounds pretty cheesy and weird, but the movie was absolutely adorable. It only took my two hours to finish it.

Rewind, please.

Dear Mr. Cloud,


I'm starting over. Pretending like nothing happened at all.
I haven't gotten anywhere with the person I like but it's okay.
I don't have much to say though. I was thinking about joining the swim team thing, but then we have practice next week and I'm on my period. D:
Blah. That is so gay. It's Valentines too, and I have no one! D:

"A plan, an idea, a chance"

Dear Mr. Cloud,

I'm sorry for not posting new blogs lately and not keeping anyone updated. I haven't been feeling like myself. I did not feel like updating, I don't think I'm going to use Xanga anymore, I can't play any songs on there. I don't know if I still like Kurt because like I was sitting in my room on my bed, thinking, yes, just thinking. I came to a point where I was in my own world, while I was in my own world I realized I didn't really like Kurt a lot, but I do not know if I should try. I think that Kristine is just Kurt's close friend. Since she's a senior I don't think they would go out, I mean it is possible, but I just don't think they would. So Yesterday was Christmas, it was alright. I didn't shed a tear. I know the past should stay in the past and the future be how I make it uring the present, so I'm going to try to make next year better. My New Year's resolution is to bring the family back together. It might be hard, I might be alone in this, but I know for a fact that I will try because I do care. All my cousins and sister is complaining on how the family is seperated and it's hurtful. They are not doing anything about it, not at all. I', going to step in now and try to change the conflict of the family. I have a plan, an idea, a chance. I might not accomplish what I want but at least I tried and if I fail I wil just get back on my feet and try again, I won't fall back, won't let failure get me down, I still have a chance while I'm still living. I ave support, I have ideas, I have wants, and I need, need this to work. I will try anything and everything to make it happen, I want a happy family that I once had. I feel terrible not appreciating it, but now I know, now I know how important it is to me. I'm glad I have great friends, so I won't try anything nothing at all to lose them. I love them so I will cherish them, but if they don't deserve to be cherish then they're not my friend. Sometimes I feel like forgiving Trinity, but I know for a fact it would be a mistake, she won't learn. I try to help her, it just doesn't work. & She used my trust, my friends, and anything else possible. I don't hate her, but I don't like her for a fact. I just don't like her. I want good grades this new years! :D I want to go to a UC w/ Jenny. I also wanted to live together with Michelle, Jenny, and Jodie, but I don't know where they are going for college. I guess no need to think now, we will keep in touch when that time comes, for now we can just have fun and love each other. It's just college, it won't ruin this friendship, right? Of course.(:

It's Always complicated.

Dear Mr. Cloud,

So, he said to move on, but he doesn't understand how hard it is to move on. I would like to move on to "Bubbles" but it doesn't feel right.
Nothing feels right anymore. I guess you can say I don't like anyone? I don't want to. I need time to recover from my very first heart breaking rejection. I never knew how hurtful it could be. I would move on and it's still possible to get my heart broken again. I don't know. I'm so complicated.

What's wrong with me?

Dear Mr. Cloud,

I am sorry I haven't been updating! D:
Yesterday I was really happy, it was like the best thing ever.
Omfg, my sister is annoying the fuck out of me. I want to beat the fuck out of her but I am not allowed to.
Sometimes when Shrub makes me happy it hurts. I know that's really weird, but when he makes me happy it hurts knowing he's only a friend and that he regrets ever getting with me.

Keep pretending..

Dear Mr. Cloud,

I haven't been blogging lately. It's because I have been so upset, I do think of blogging but it would hurt so much to think of stuff. I don't know what to do, I don't want to go do black friday with Kathleen, I don't want to feel upset all the time, I don't want to keep faking that I am fuckin' happy because I am not! & I know I'm not. I want to be able to smile and be like "Oh look, it's my first real smile in three years!" It hurts knowing how fake I am. I mean I do tell my feelings and I do show them, I just hate how I still smile and act like I'm fine in front of him. Really, I'm just pissed at my life. I dont get why people could be so mean and so clueless at times. I mean if you dont liek me tell me I dont want to keep falling for you, everyday, everynight, every second of my life. I just keep falling and falling and then one day my heart is going to fall onto a bunch of needles and I would have to try to recover from the injury little by little. I just wish things were better. Oh well, at lease my friends are happy <3
11/4 & 11/20. <3
You guys are the cutest. Now Jenny! :D

Hanging out with the loves

Dear Mr. Cloud,

Yesterday was a fun day. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, but I loved it.I hung out with my cousins, Kathy and Yenni. Well, I also hung out with Co Khanh, Kathy's mom.It was fun, we bought Kathy stuff, ate food, talk about so many things you probably won't understand. That day makes me wonder, what ever happen to those good old days like this? Where we would always hang out. Kathy, Karen, Jennifer, Yenni, Andy, Mathew, Brian, Johnny, Melissa, and Kevin. I miss those days, I cry silently to myself wondering when will we have it back? After I left the mall I went to Yenni's house, came home at like 10:05? Ha ha. When it turned twelve I snuck out and went to a party. It was all right everyone was drunk though. I didn't really drink, since I had school the next day. I only had like a couple of shots. I am still good I do my homework and everything. Please, don't judge me, or see me differently. Hey, at least I didn't take ecstasy or weed. Speaking of that, they were all blazing in the backyard. Hella pot heads at that party! I didn't do anything like that.